(Note: Game of Thrones spoilers)

In an astonishing admission, Game of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss admitted that they will have killed off every major character in the popular HBO series by the end of the current season, the show’s seventh. This is despite the fact that HBO has ordered an eighth and final season.

“It just kind of happened organically,” said Benioff. “Westeros is a dangerous place and as we know, in the Game of Thrones you win or you die. While we intended to keep at least a couple of major characters through the end of the show, the show’s internal logic dictated that everyone die this season.”

Apparently every member of the Stark family will suffer a gruesome death.

“Let’s face it,” said Benioff. “The Starks are known for making poor decisions that results in a horrible demise. While it seemed like Jon Snow, Sansa, and Arya have grown and matured during the show, they really can’t escape who they are. Eventually they are doomed to trust someone they shouldn’t and get killed for it.”

Unsurprisingly, Jon Snow dies while looking  like he knows nothing. Arya is taken in by the dulcet tones of Lannister Ed Sheeran, while Sansa’s trust that the Winterfell chef will properly cook a pork loin proves misplaced.

Even Bran meets his end. Turns out that that the Three-Eyed Raven trusted that neighborhood hawk just a little too much.

“It was really just the law of Nature,” said Weiss.

The Lannisters don’t make out any better.

“Cersei’s been killing people left and right. You don’t think she gets got?” said Benioff. “Jaime has no reason to live without her. But Tyrion doesn’t survive either-his liver just can’t take drinking like Christopher Hitchens for years on end.”

The dragons also don’t survive to season eight. Dragon greyscale gets them.  While Jorah Mormont was cured of the disease, he was still infectious to dragons. The dragons didn’t last long once Mormont reunited with Khaleesi.

The dragons don’t die before Daenerys discovers why it is dangerous to hang around dragons who have a lot of gas and burp a lot.

Benioff and Weiss promise to press forward with season eight, leaving hints about a storyline centered around Hot Pie’s attempt to introduce organic, gluten-free baked goods to Westeros.