In a stunning move, the Buffalo Bills have released All-Pro quarterback Josh Allen, citing Allen’s decision to call tails instead of heads for the overtime coin flip in their divisional playoff game against Kansas City. The coin landed on heads, and Kansas City scored a touchdown to win the game.  

“We appreciate all that Josh Allen has done for this franchise and the city of Buffalo,” said Bills General Manager Brandon Beane. “But we feel it is in the best interests of both parties for us to move on.”

When asked to elaborate, Beane became unusually candid for a general manager.

“Look, we all know that there are four basic rules in life. You don’t tug on Superman’s cape. You don’t piss into the wind. You don’t pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger. And you don’t give Pat Mahomes the ball first in overtime. Josh violated that rule and we feel he can no longer serve effectively as Bills quarterback. We wish him luck in his future endeavors.”

One reporter pointed out that, in two playoff games, Allen had led the Bills to 12 touchdowns in 16 drives, wondering if releasing Allen was perhaps an overreaction.

“Look, I know it seems harsh,” responded Beane. “But we need our players to come up huge in big situations, and there was no bigger situation than the overtime coin flip. I know that mathematicians are going to say there is a 50/50 chance to call the coin flip correctly, but those guys are just big nerds who never played the game. The truly great players always get that call correct. Always.”